The Labour Party and BRUV: A Comparative Study in Comms Strategy

You’ve heard of a “New York 9”, but have you ever met a “Luton 5”? If you’re the British voting public, you are about to do just that. Over the last few weeks, gormless sex criminal and former Big Brother contestant Andrew Tate has been gesticulating on the internet like an Andy Serkis mocap of gollum’s gangsta cousin, rambling about his plans to return to Blighty and save the country from Keir Stalin’s failing dictatorship.

Tate is, of course, not here in the UK, where he is wanted for various sex crimes. He sits in permanent exile in Romania, where he is under house arrest, waiting to be tried for… more sex crimes. Should he be cleared of those sex crimes, which seems unlikely, he will be extradited to the UK to stand trial for his various sex crimes here. Should he visit any other countries en route, I imagine he will commit further sex crimes there and need to stand trial according to that country’s laws and practices, too. If only he hadn’t recently converted to Islam, I’d suggest he make a trip to Israel.

But since when have sex crimes ever stopped anyone getting into politics, eh? Tate is undeterred by his pressing legal issues and has launched a political party, the Britain Restoring Underlying Values party, or BRUV. Mr Tate, you are surely to Luton, as the Bard is to Stratford!

The BRUV party’s plan to save Britain is, apparently, to remove “LGBTQ propaganda” from schools and replace it with boxing lessons. If it wasn’t plain thus far: Tate is a former kickboxer and has been kicked in the head repeatedly (though perhaps not repeatedly enough).

The general low quality of Tate’s personality, wit, looks, elocution, tailoring, odours (etc…) only serves to highlight what a dab hand he is at social media. That such a complete and utter bellend could become so famous (outside of his native Luton, no less) is testament to his skills of self-promotion. It behoves one, then, to pay attention to how Tate chooses to promote BRUV. We should, in theory, be about to witness a masterclass in 21st Century political communications. 

Tate is (regrettably) always au courant and, as such, launched his party with an AI animated video. Apparently he is very concerned about the fall of the British Empire. Quick! Dispatch the Dragoon Guards to Abyssinia! Obviously, it’s mad and stupid and I can only imagine what Saatchi would make of it. Yet it is, sadly and rather shockingly, far from the worst political communications media I have seen in the last few years.

For, you see, Tate and BRUV are not the only party seeking to promote their brand with AI and social media. The Labour Party recently released this baffling monstrosity, in which an AI-generated Aurochs in a high-vis gives two (left-handed) thumbs up to Labour’s plans to build decent, affordable homes for the viewer and their family (a plan which, we must assume, also exists in this parallel Britain).

The TikTok is overlaid with a reggaeton song about shagging underage girls. I guess they really are paying attention to Tate! My favourite detail, though, is “(as animals)”. It’s wonderful how everything Labour does just drips with such utter disdain for the intellects of the British public. It’s not enough to patronise voters with cartoon animals, you must leave an note explaining that the cartoon animals aren’t real, in case their stupid peasant brains begin to wonder whether Lion-O is now the Prime Minister and has tasked Mrs Tiggywinkle with maintaining the country’s (suspiciously squat) wind turbines. Mrs Tiggywinkle, incidentally, appears to have slaughtered another hedgehog and begun using its pelt as an overcoat. Is this more evidence of the knife crime that BRUV is trying to warn us about? The same knife crime which threatens to bring down the British Empire and her glorious ships of the line?

Tate’s video is very obviously 100% cynical and 100% bullshit, yet it looks slick and relatable next to Labour’s. Is this cheap AI dreck really the best the Labour Party can do?

The answer, sadly, might be “yes”.

Polls are dire for Labour and so one can’t trust fate to bodybuilding bulldogs on TikTok alone! As part of a further surge in this new charm offensive, the party has gone to the BBC to release a “candid” interview with Chancellor Rachel Reeves, as the Government announces it will need to make further cuts to public services and disability benefits.

Reeves explains to the peasants the novel concept of household budgeting, something the spendthrift British public with their endless wads of cash would not have experienced during the long years of plenty they have recently enjoyed. Nick Robinson, who appears to have spent the morning inside a fruit desiccator, gushes as he reminds Reeves of her legendary parsimony with pastry. Apparently, Reeves carries bits of old pie crust around in a tupperware. It is explained to the viewer, with foghorn subtlety, that this shows how much she hates waste. Waste like, say, spending public money on feeding and clothing all those feckless cripples! Nice as it is to see Dickens updated for a modern audience, I’m not sure the public is going to be won over by this transparent and rather ghoulish propaganda.

Keir Starmer is not helping things, either. He has, simultaneously, announced a “100 year partnership” with Ukraine. As well as the bizarre gimmick of a “100 year alliance” with the country, the government has committed to providing Ukraine with a minimum assistance of £3 billion/year until at least 2031. Ukraine will spend that money, of course, buying arms from the UK, which will necessitate the British government’s purchase of new arms from arms manufacturers. So you see: nothing will be wasted and everyone (at the BAE Systems shareholders meeting) is happy!

If only the same radical logic could be applied to the British poor, who would, after all, spend the money in the UK at UK businesses which pay UK taxes, in much the same manner (but probably with less of that money going to stock buyback programmes).

This cuts to the heart of the matter with Labour’s current communications strategy: even if it wasn’t utterly awful, it would fail. The juxtaposition of further austerity politics with lavish commitments to arms spending will not go unnoticed by the public. Popular support for Ukraine is high, but cannot be abused forever.  British voters have endured over a decade of cuts to the public wellbeing. They voted for a change of pace and are already irritated at Labour’s continuity politics. It’s difficult to see how this reality can be overcome with some improved messaging. No matter how canny the TikTok, how perfectly managed the interview; it’s all so much polish on a turd.